I think you're doing a great job handling this even if you feel like you're spiraling. Seeing an ex-T, or anyone who abandoned you, would be very triggering.

For the longest time, I didn't think I could handle seeing my ex-T. I feared having a breakdown or worse, doing/saying something I'd regret. It's coming up on our 4 year anniversary, and I think I'd finally be okay if I saw her in passing.