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Originally Posted by rise13eyond
I kind of thought about posting about this for a long time, but never did because I honestly don't know if there's anything anyone could say that would be useful. I have brought it up before to other people and although their suggestions seemed fine at the time nothing really helped.
I hope I don't sound a bit all over the place and that I make sense because I haven't quite figured out a perfectly comprehensible way of explaining it.
I have terrible...I'm gonna call it anxiety, at night. And while I could try and come up with many reasons as to why that is I can't give a single definitive reason. Maybe that's part of the problem. So I guess there's a combination of reasons. Such as nightmares and sleep paralysis for some reason (I think I've figured that sleep paralysis usually only happens if I attempt to fall asleep flat on my back but nonetheless it makes me anxious knowing it happens so much). But I suppose I could also list paranoia as a reason of some sort, because that's something I deal with just in general. And while I like sleeping when I'm just asleep and not experiencing anything scary, I don't like the idea of being completely helpless. I have a pretty vivid imagination so that and paranoia make for a very nasty combination. I do dislike the dark, but that itself isn't the problem, or at least not the only problem, because I do sleep with a small light every night, which doesn't always help, and sometimes I even sleep with all the lights on, which doesn't help too much. Something terrifies me and I don't know what, and more importantly I don't know how to combat it. It causes a significant amount of sleep loss which I then try to make up for during the day. On that note I have no problem sleeping during the day it is just night...when it's dark.
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hi rise13eyond
When I was your age I experienced sleep paralysis. It made me terrified of the dark
, I 'm still am afraid of the dark to a degree since then and I was a chronic insomniac for 10 years after. now on sleeping pills so i sleep like a log but get nightly nightmares due to PTSD. I didnt mind day time sleeping, but at night, I hated it.
First of all, my mother stayed with me that whole night I had sleep paralysis, she lit a big church-like candle in the room from then on, so if I was to get sleep paralysis, I was to focus on the light. I was so hysterical and terrified she had me practise in the day visualising the brightest light in my mind with my eyes closed, it's actually very hard to do when experiencing paralysis, but that's what broke me free of it. If I don't have a candle in the corner of my room where i can see it from bed (it has to be a really pure natural bright light, imagine like the morning sun, so artificial ones wont work so well) then in place of that it helps to sleep next to someone.
To be honest I was so terrified if my mum told me what your mum has, i'd show her an article on it so she has a bit more compassion perhaps and try and explain to her how terrifying it can be. The fact my mum comforted me helped it MASSIVELY resolve.
Also I wouldn't be surprised it's caused by another root cause... For my part, whilst my parents love me and I love them, I was often neglected in my childhood (the product of parents who were neglected themselves), my feelings werent often validated and they made me feel unworthy/not good enough. They made me feel very little and cultivated a low self esteem by putting down my efforts or making negative comments on my physical appearance and personality. I have a lot of compassion for my parents as an adult now as it allowed me to forgive and help heal. What im saying is another stress factor could be triggering it, and addressing the root cause may help.
That you are left totally alone was so sad to here as I know how horrible it is, if your mum had an inclination to how awful it actually is maybe she'd show you a bit more sympathy. Closer support from one of your parents may help to reduce your stress around it significantly and thus make it less likely to keep happening.
I have a cat, it doesnt help to have my pet in the room personally, it could possibly freak me out more. On the other hand the warmth of another human and tuning into their breathing is soothing and can help, if not see if you can have a candle put somewhere safe in your room. Pets breath at a diffrent pace to us so it may not help you with grounding. I used to have my dog in my room, it could exacerbate my anxiety the annoying diffrence in breathing, the dog sighing, sudeen movements and noises as simple as the dog farting
or kicking it's legs when dreaming, could jerk me awake/surprise frighten me. Having a dog in the roo didn't help personally and the disturbances would easily set off overthinking which isn't a great recipe when mixed with paranoia. You might find that your dog actuzlly calms and reassures you though so worth a try if your parents will let you. My boyfriend doesnt like me burning a candle at night so i make sure its out of the way of anything and a pillar candle in a glass jar so its heavy and wont topple over, bedroom door shut so cat cant come in either and make it fall over if he somehow suddenly developed hulk strengh at nighttime.
Do you see anything when you get sleep paralysis?
