I discovered that last night, when being assessed for a locked ward the first time, no records of the situation were passed onto the night staff, and then the day staff. My pdoc didn't even come in to check on me. WTF. This filled me with a sense of abandonment, failed again by authorities, not being taken seriously and worst of all, a great lack of care for my life.

This enraged me and sent me into such a spin which led me to be almost locked up again. Am I being too sensitive? My pdoc said my reaction was way out of character and proportion which is why he was so worried about me. It is 8.50pm and I am drinking coffee because I don't want to sleep. I don't know why. I am scared. If anything more aggravates me I will lose control and be locked up. What am I doing? I am so agitated, frightened and suicidal. Maybe I need to be locked up. Maybe I am not safe. Yet, I feel that being locked up will be the end of me due to the traumatic circumstance.