Something you said in your first post struck me, star. You said it was different this time because it didn't feel like it was you doing the cutting, and you didn't completely remember it. That's how it is for me almost everytime... I can't remember the professional term for it, but it's basically when you pent it up for so long and finally release it, you basically black out and don't realize what you've really done until it's already over with. It's kinda scary, not knowing what you're doing or how bad you're doing it.

I never understood why SI is such a bad thing either, I even made a topic about it. I guess the worst part of it (besides the scars it leaves) is the fact that it hurts family and friends to see us in so much pain. Please try being strong. I know it's hard, I fell to the blade lastnight. All you can do is try, star. *huggz*