Thanks


I know im not weak.. it just feels that way sometimes? I know that if the people in my life were to experience what i do daily they would collapse within a few days... but it doesnt make me dislike what im going through any less



I know how often certain questions arise...
But i feel like it is not psychosis...


Something really big is really not quite right with me....
Its getting bad, much much more pronounced...
And i dont know how much my psyche can handle before i really do lose it and find psychosis...?

I am feeling really quite repulsed and embarrassed by my seemingly contradictory mental states...

Switching from one to another between eye blinks so fast back and forth sometimes seeming to hold both views concurrently...?

This disorienting feeling is possibly worse than the anxiety and depression combined..

As i cant recognize what i really am anymore or if i even have feelings, that perhaps what i thought were my feelings are just emotional flashbacks unrelated to any of me..


Definitely know that im being destroyed and if i dont get a handle im not going to succeed...

Just finding myself wanting to hide and isolate as feels like its not my life anymore and just something inside of me being too out going and friendly making too many friends and leaving me scared because i dunno how its happening or understand why people would want to be my friend and scared that ill just have a lot of **** to deal with and cleanup if they find out im not normal...

Im not fake... i just cant seem to control my beliefs and thoughts you know...?

I hate this ..

Is it possible that i am dieing slowly from a disease that is silently corroding and eating my brain away till i fall into a catatonic permanent state..?