The stories I have heard of cases where others "encouraged" suicide or self harm all ended the same way. Those people were shocked and devastated that the hurting/suffering person took them seriously. But the fact is, when a person is depressed or suffering in various ways, jokes or poorly chosen words or gestures from others (often born from frustration or ignorance) can be serious triggers. I get the feeling (maybe I'm wrong) that no one has actually encouraged you to harm yourself, but that your depression/desperation is convincing you that that may be so. Depression is a wily devilish son-of-a-*****!

My family has lost a loved one to suicide. I cannot even begin to tell you the pain it has caused all of us. This loved one, unfortunately, was a victim of verbal abuse. The abuser now suffers severe regret and guilt that he may have been a catalyst for the tragedy. I know that this abuser would now do anything to get our loved one back.

Please seek help right away! Your pain is real, but it will pass. It will pass quicker if you seek help.

I absolutely understand what you mean by wanting to return "home". I swear I really do. But home is always nearby, even if it seems so far away. Hurting yourself, or worse, would take you yet further away. Trust me, my friend!