I feel like on some level i understand
but also dont?

That perhaps sometimes its best to only function at minimal capacity...
Maybe the mind has decided the only escape and route to a content safe life is this.

But it doesnt feel good
highly aware of my deficits.. that, much is missing or shut off completely
????

Just too much confusion, i know how to fix it... but sudden fear strikes and i am not able to follow through..

Need to get a job i can manage and make enough to have absolute independence so i can straighten the mess inside of me up without relying on anyone or needing anything from anyone 😖

Think only then my mind be unlocked ..