I feel the same way. Although, I only have one person I feel comfortable talking to, but they're not a safe person to talk to...can't be myself, can't always say what's on my mind, can't hang out anymore because we used to be romantically involved and we aren't anymore.

There's just no one I can relate to. No one who can understand me. No one sees me as I really am. Very few even see my real personality, if it's even a real personality at this point. I have no basis to make friends or connect with people, so there's no hope of it ever ending.

I can imagine it actually. It's very unnatural to me. I don't want to be touched usually if I'm upset. At one time I might have wanted to be held and "truly cared for" (as though that's a thing that exists) but it was used as a weapon against me. As in, withholding affection to punish me I guess. So I'm not sure how one can trust affection from an attachment figure? If it's only when you "deserve" it, it makes it always a weapon.