I’ve always known this and have, in subtle ways, shared this with T - not clearly and explicitly though. 1) because I’m embarrassed that I feel this way and 2) I’ve never found the right words to express it. Below explains my intense feelings of emotions at night. It has made what I’m feeling much clearer to me and something I could use to help me express all of this to my T, who, as she also focuses on loss and grief, knows and understands a little about how I am experiencing it. Not loss by death, but loss from having to leave and move away from a couple of people I felt some attachment to. These are the thoughts that break me every night - I’m grieving the loss of these people and seeking people who can meet my needs like they did, but this isn’t happening, so instead I have been isolating myself from everyone around me and intensifying this feeling of loneliness. It’s been 10 years:

Loneliness is dependent on what a person “needs and desires” and this measure is personal and varies drastically from one individual to the next. Based on this definition we see that prototypical characterizations of “loneliness” are misguided. Individual loneliness is defined by what a person wants in contrast to what they have. So whether a person has 100 great family and friends, if they long for something or someone they don’t have –like an intimate partner, a friend they can open up to, a group of people who “get them”, a family, etc – they are liable to feel lonely.
“Something or someone they don’t have….”

For me, it’s having a friend I can open to, feel understood, who can comfort me etc, as I had before.
If any of you have shared this in therapy and are working on it, I would appreciate you sharing here or via PM, how it’s going. I need to share this with T and she wants to hear it. But I’m finding it so darn hard. How can i do it? It'll make me so vulnerable in front of someone, which i fear.