I wish I had some stellar advice for you, but all I can say is that there is something about loneliness that defies articulating it for me, and that is quite unusual. I remember mentioning it in session a few months ago, and my T asked me this question, "What does loneliness feel like to you, how does it go for you?" Or something like that, and I was pretty much stumped. Whether I couldn't confront it or just couldn't wrap myself around it and how I felt, I'm not sure.

But I lost my spouse a few years ago, and although I could now just start to say in answer to "something or someone they don't have" that it is a new partner or even a date that I would like to have, that's pretty much all I have.

I think I can understand something about loneliness from the times when I didn't feel lonely, and that is when I had a tight group of friends when I was in graduate school. We celebrated holidays together, hung out together, were a support and comfort through challenging times both professional and personal, and I really miss having a tribe.

When my spouse was sick, I had a different sort of tribe, a collection of people from different places and with different connections to me and my spouse, who I could ask for anything and they'd do it for me. Some of it was online with a blog where I shared the generally horrible happenings and much of it was in person. It was lovely and I don't think I'd have gotten through it without them.

I'm not sure if a tribe is necessary for me now, though I do find myself desiring to spend time with people who care about the same social justice issues I do. I am working on being part of a community group or two and working on reconnecting with friends around me. I have some good, longterm ones.

The only thing I do have some advice on is how to move forward when you are afraid. There are some ideas you can explore and some work you can do to help you "feel the fear and do it anyway." Check out Pema Chodron's books, if buddhist philosophies appeal to you. Otherwise doing some pre-work in therapy about accepting your fears and learning that fear is often not as big a risk at some times rather than others, and that it is possible to do things even when afraid of them. Fear is just a feeling, not a demand or a driving force in one's life. For me the definition of empowerment is doing something I'm afraid of. Fear is no longer my dictator.