I’ve dealt with grief very specifically but in the context of my larger therapy; not separate from. I had that year when I lost my sister, a close friend to a heart attack, and two friends from suicide. The level of grief was deep and overwhelming at times. I remember months following my sister’s death where I would close my classroom door and turn out the lights during my conference period and just cry or sleep (because I was so emotionally exhausted). My therapist and I spent time validating the trauma of those deaths (they were traumatizing due to the circumstances in which they occurred), honoring those people who were rather suddenly torn from my life, and learning to have patience with the grief process. It helped to have that person to talk to that I wasn’t feeling a need to protect from the pain. It helped to be reminded that my grief was a normal reaction, even as intense as it was; it wasn’t pathological. It helped to be “given permission” (I don’t mean that literally) to take time with the loss and the grief.

I lost my sister in 2011. It was a good five years before the grief eased up from anger and pain to a place where I could finally think of her with a smile and a laugh and the pain rarely boils up anymore. Five years. And that is not abnormal; it just takes time.

I lost Mom just a bit over a year ago. I’m still in the midst of the pain, and because we are dealing with our aging father, closing up his house (which means going through every scrap of paper, every little thing that Mom collected), the grief can still be pretty raw. But I’m getting there . . . Slowly. I haven’t had a therapist to walk me through grief for Mom’s death, but I’m trying to remember my therapist’s messages to me: Give it time. It will boil up at unexpected moments and that is normal. The sadness is normal. This will take time; it doesn’t have to get better right away. Honor my loss. Honor my mom. Just sit with it and let her spirit wash over me when she comes around (I’m smiling as I type that. Mom is persistent. LOL).