The whole description sounds very familiar to me - for ca 2 years my analyst did everything wrongly (and he still sometimes does). He was stupid, he did not understand anything I said, he said the wrong things, he jumped to the wrong conclusions. I needed him to understand me on a deeper level whereas he would interpret my words and not catch the deeper meaning that I tried to convey but was unable to put into words.

Oh, I was frustrated (and I still occasionally am) because I gave him lot of feedback and he did not seem to appreciate it at all nor did he seem to learn from it. I told him one day what he was doing wrong and the next day he was still doing these wrong things! What's the point then of saying anything at all??!

Anyway, that's only one part of the story. The other part of the story is that many (most) of those things are very strong projections and it doesn't do any good for the patient (me) for the therapist to even strengthen these projections by attempting to comply.

I fully realise that when I'm in the grips of these projections then this is all I see - then the things are in fact the way I described above, similarly as they are for the OP as they described them now. But I do have my clear moments when I see things differently and I understand that this is a huge fight against a monster with many heads and my T is my most valuable and trusted ally in this fight.

You can try to change your T but that's totally beside the point. You are not there to change anyone else other than yourself. That's why it is almost irrelevant what the T is doing or saying, unless it is totally inappropriate, which I don't think is the case with your T. You want to control your T and she would do a huge disservice to you if she would comply. Learning to grasp that other people are separate subjective identities can be a very difficult task - I know it from my own experience.