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Originally Posted by mindmechanic
We had a session yesterday. The therapist said that she felt like I was controlling her about what to say when I said, "You're welcome" to her. I feel like she was reading too much into it. For one, I said it in a humorous tone. And two, I said it to put a close to that topic and move on to something else. She did write me a note 10 minutes before session expressing this. In it, she also said that she appreciates my bringing it to her attention. She also wrote that while looking up names that I think may be her patients, friends, or family is wrong, it is understandable.
I don't get how my looking up the names on the Skype list is different from how I looked her up early in our work and found a wealth of information about her and her family because of her ex-husband's public status. I even once asked if she had a twin sister, and she responded saying no. She also knew that I was reading some articles that her daughter wrote for a news journal. Back then, she said that what is public, is public. She didn't say that what I did was wrong. She affirmed it and said what is public, is public. But now, what I did with the Skype list is wrong and considered "snooping?"
If I kill someone out of self-defense, is isn't actually wrong is it? My intention wasn't to snoop.
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I'm very surprised at her response, as I thought Accesshoop's theory seemed right on.
I can see how the "your welcome" might feel controlling-but that is her countertransference. If she works with the transference, her feeling could be used to explore your 'out of control' feelings. My T sometimes does this since projective identification goes on a lot in analytic therapy....
However, in this case, I think your concern should have been taken seriously when you first brought it up rather than analyzed. It is concerning that her clients can be exposed by the automation of social media and a very valid concern. Your reaction to her not thanking you, it seems to me, is related to your concern about her lack of concern.
There was no need to make it about her feelings and even though you said "your welcome", her defensiveness is hers alone, not your responsibility to prevent or manage.