Yesterday was very very tough to get through. It was a much calmer day at work but I just struggled. I felt like crying all day. I didn’t join in any conversations that my coworkers had. I thought they all hated me and were just waiting for me to get out of there so they could say mean things about me. I don’t think that’s entirely true but I’m not sure.

RS came over after work and I was still feeling ******. At dinner he said I looked like I was about to cry. I was. But I tried to perk up. I decided that we would watch a funny movie when we got home so I could distract myself from my awful depression. We watched one of my favorites, a hitchhikers guide to the galaxy. I did feel a little better after watching it. RS spent the night. I love sleeping with him. He just makes me feel so safe and wanted.

We stayed in bed late this morning because I couldn’t stand the thought of getting up. We finally got up at ten. RS went out to breakfast with us. I was going to take him grocery shopping with me because I hate carrying in groceries by myself but I couldn’t face it. Plus I don’t have the money until next week anyway. Only have about 100$ until Wednesday. I would have spent at least 100$ shopping because we haven’t been in a really long time. I could take the money out of my savings but I’d rather not if I can avoid it. We have enough snacks to make it through the week. Hopefully I’ll be feeling better by next week and won’t have to force myself to go. I’ve got to go buy some new bras when I get paid as well. I wore them all out and only have one left. Maybe I’ll go Monday if I’m feeling better and put it on my credit card. I but cheap bras. Perhaps why I’ve worn them all out.

Sigh. I just feel so dead inside. I sent RS home early because I didn’t want to drag him down all day. I knew he didn’t want to just sit around like a lump with me and that’s all I want to do. I am going down to my SILs house tonight because I can’t figure out a way to get out of it. Besides it’ll be good for me.

Dear agony just let go of me, please.