I used to have a massive issue with self-destruction. Reckless in every way, ignoring medical advice and the pleas of my loved ones. It was like I wanted to get as close to death as possible without dying. I too had great support etc. However, I did have a huge dose of undealt with severe trauma. Once that was processed (and in my case it took years due to crank therapists and the general process)

Do you have anything you might be running from? Just a thought.