Looking at some of my issues that i never, or rarely, discuss with others i thought here may be an easier place to finally express them and see how others deal with such things, or if I'm the only one (probably not, but part of me always thinks so haha).

Catches, i am disabled. Also due to a past experience i am no fan of medications (aaand i already take about 10-13 different meds a day for things unrelated mental issues).

Apathy. Man, what a difficult thing to figure out how to deal with. If something makes you not care, how do you care enough to do something about it?


Battling that blanket. Wait, what? Here's the difficult thing about my depression/apathy... in some ways it doesn't feel like it's part of me. Rather it feels external and acting on me.

How this works is one of two ways... 1) i don't feel ways most others feel, but wish i did. Like working. A good work ethic is a solid thing, i know that. But i don't care. I don't want to work. This goes so far that it can actually disrupt my personal interests and ability to enjoy them because it may require some effort (work). But i wish i did want to work.

2) It's like I'm laying on my back and a blanket is thrown over me and stapled to the floor, and no matter how i feel under that blanket i can't ever function beyond it. Under that blanket is someone that wants to do things, live, experience life... but this material holds me back and refuses to allow me to no matter how much i push against it.

So i suffer both with not caring about some things, and also caring for some things but not able to act on them. I'm not only bothered by those two things, but bothered that i'm not more consistent in my apathy haha.



Well, when i started to write this thread i had 3-4 things i wanted to get into, but as usual i put too much thought into what i've already written i've burned myself out and forgotten what else i was going to say anyways. Maybe that's for the best. Sometimes getting gung ho backfires because when you come back to it later you can't handle all you started haha.


Also, i'm not so great at asking for help. I'm 'supposed' to be the 'counselor', not the 'patient'. Nor am i to burden others with my problems until i've spent hours, spread out over days or weeks or months, helping them first.

... i'm wearing myself out here haha. And overthinking and questioning if i need to rewrite it all better, shorter. Ugh.


So I'd be curious how people here have dealt with apathy (or seen others) and if anyone else has either or both of the two types i mentioned. Without using medication, limited physical capabilities and, well, no outside help.

To any who stuck around to finish thanks for reading