Haunted Rain, my friend, may I call you my friend?.. I read your words and I feel like I am you in another dimension, I am as we speak under a blanket and without appetite for fun things, I read or watch movies to at least keep my mind to a minimum functioning pace, and still wonder the point of my life.

I cannot give you the advice you need, because that has to come from inside you, I wish we could change a spark plug in your gut and may be that starts the engine again, and I would like to believe that is possible , but man... I have gone through so much... sometimes I laugh alone like the darkest humor , what else can you pitch me ? A bowling ball? Talking to god.
I want to scream the F word so many times and go out with a baseball bat and start hitting cars get arrested and see if that wakes me up, but that is just silly talk I am sorry, my point being is looking for that new spark in the darkness is difficult.

But mate I am sending you my best wishes you find something that sparks your volition. I will keep looking too and if I find something I will let you know.

Love and a big polar bear hug!