From the outside looking in, my husband appears to be as close to perfect as you can get - at least in public. He takes great pride in developing this facade. I can’t decide if he simply needs validation or if he needs to sell this image to camouflage who he REALLY is.

Now, let me say, my husband has never been verbally or physically abusive; yet his ambivalence can be just as frustrating and hurtful. He has often said, “the one who brings up an issue is the one who has the problem.” He has major challenges communicating, so of course, I’m always the one who brings up ANY issue in our marriage. In short, I’m the one with the problem.

To be fair, henever developed coping skills, thanks to his parents, so any sign of confrontation, challenge or opposition, he gets extremely sensitive and defensive. He has even told me that I make him feel like he is a bad person. It doesn’t matter what he said or does, he only sees your reaction.

His parents were enablers, so nothing was ever his fault. They always changed the narrative in his favor, so he never had the opportunity to feel anger, sadness, remorse etc... They just wanted him to feel HAPPY all the time, which in my opinion, is totally delusional. He was never punished for bad grades, inappropriate language or any typical moronic teenage behavior. His parents always found an excuse to let him off the hook.

Now, we are experiencing some challenges in our marriage and of course everything is my fault. I have asked him to change certain behaviors, and as a result, he has startred to withhold affection. He will tell he loves me, but barely touches me. He’ll cook a romantic dinner for us, but won’t come to bed etc... Again, he gives the impression like everything is okay, but clearly it’s not.

So, we went out last night. While others were watching, he was very attentive. When it was just us, he was civil yet cold. I’m so confused. Not by want I see, but how I should manage his emotional vacillation. We have gone to counseling; he is alwYs cooperative about that, but I still keep wandering, “Am I a pawn in a game he’s playing?

Any feedback would be helpful.