With the amount of episodes I have had in the last 2 years of hell, mixed is the least often but thats not saying much. For myself mixed is high energy with very negative thoughts including homicidal/suicidal ideation. Maybe that is not what it is supposed to mean, I am still trying to figure out the difference between that and ultrarapid cycling(thats changing within days or hours right? I get that too sometimes but not often) However it is usually much worse than this. When it happens I have 0 positive thoughts and I still definitely feel happiness sometimes right now and not the scary evil happiness that I get with mixed. Some of the time I even feel especially happy, some of the things I notice are dancing a lot, taking a lot of selfies(not normal for me) poor self care except doing my makeup/hair and my obsession with the night and my shadow get more intense.

Astral im sorry you are feeling that way, I wish it was easier to just be happy and content. I have never truly known that feeling. Keep yourself safe My husband tells me there will be consequences but I havent seen them yet other than the horrible things I do to myself. He really doesnt like when i hurt myself though. It feels good to me but i do feel bad that it hurts him

I normally just have passive suicidal thoughts unless im manic and that creeps in slowly taking over with lots of threats when im drunk until it suddenly turns into an extreme compulsion and then there is no way to stop me from trying then without police intervention. Unfortunately tiny little choices like not taking my meds for one night, drinking for one night, lead me down that path so fast and its so hard to not allow it.