I went on the interview today.....I thought it went well. I can do the job but 50 hours is going to destroy my back. I received the FED-EX package, filled out everything and sent it back before the end of business today. I called the recruiter and let him know........now they do the background check, etc. etc. and grade the pysch quiz I had to do. [shrug] We'll see what happens.

Went to my T's today.......asked him if we could please NOT talk about the end of the month. He said that I was basically asking him to do something that would go against the very reason I still come and see him: because he cares. If he could stop caring and be indifferent, then yes we could not discuss it..........but he can't do that. He did squeeze in an appt for me next week - he's coming in early next Wed to see me - made me promise that I will keep the appt and show up.

I also told him that I don't want any problems with him when the end of the month comes - no interference, no nothing. He promised that I would always be able to leave his office - that he would not restrain me or allow anyone else to do it either.......but said there were other ways of stopping me. That has me confused and worried. My mind is racing with thoughts and whether I should go after next week. He believes that I still have a reason to keep coming to see him all this month.......I don't, but I can't cut off communication with him because he does care - and that is what brings me to him and no one else. I did tell him that I do not completely trust him, which he already sensed because I am not willing to let down all the walls.

I'm not going to think ahead......I made a promise about next week and I will honor that. Past that, I won't guarantee anything. I just don't want a conflict with him where I get completely freaked out and do something stupid. I don't want him to see the "******" part of me I guess.

The one bright spot is I made it back in time to keep my promise to Alex and pick him up from school. He saw me, came out and gave me a hug, kiss, and said "I love you, Mom".......I almost fell over - you know that isn't cool in front of his friends so it meant alot.

Hope everyone has a great weekend!!! You all deserve it.

Mary Alice