I always say my husband is my one and only friend but lately I have been feeling confused and unhappy. I have been wondering if marrying him was a mistake, even though I do love him.

Is it normal after 10 years for couples to spend most of their time in separate parts of the house or off doing their own thing? I tried to spend time with him this evening and we got into a big argument - over nothing.This is why I stay away from him a lot, otherwise we argue. He says it’s my own choice to stay away and has nothing to do with him.

I am always worried about making my own friends because I pretty much have no family and also because hubby doesn’t ever want to do anything and he doesn’t want to have any friends. I get lonely and sometimes I get bored. Hubby is often in a bad mood and I think he’s depressed. We haven’t taken a vacation in 7 years and that was a disaster because he didn’t want to go. I gave up on vacations or socializing because he will be in such a bad mood that the whole ordeal is miserable. We argued about all this for years and I finally gave up.

I find myself rationalizing everything... I tell everybody that I love the independence of doing my own thing... I am sure I have said it here on PC even. Yes, I have expressed all of this to my husband and he will just argue and debate over it all with me. He will tell me I am being negative and looking for problems where there aren’t problems. He has no idea how unhappy I am, even though I try to express it. And I think most of the time I am just in denial about it all until I get fed up... at which point we usually argue again.

He buys me nice gifts and cards and always remembers special occasions. He has never cheated on me. He listens to me talk about any problems when I come to him for advice. He helps me any time I ask for help. But he is grouchy and difficult to be around so I just stay alone in my bedroom a lot or I leave the house. He prefers to be alone most of the time. I can’t even stand to be in the car with him because he has horrible road rage so we don’t go anywhere together very often.

It feels like I am forced to live a lonely life according to his standards. We rarely have any fun - he doesn’t want to spend money or he hates to be around people. He says I am the controlling one and he refuses to see that he is just as controlling as he says I am. I have scheduled an appt for myself with a counsleor next week and I keep wondering... why am I so unhappy and is the problem my marriage or am I the problem and I just can’t get along with anybody. I am questioning everything at this point... myself, my marriage, my judgement and just about every decision I have ever made.