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Originally Posted by Sisabel
but lately I have been feeling confused and unhappy. I have been wondering if marrying him was a mistake, even though I do love him.
Is it normal after 10 years for couples to spend most of their time in separate parts of the house or off doing their own thing? I tried to spend time with him this evening and we got into a big argument - over nothing.This is why I stay away from him a lot, otherwise we argue. He says it’s my own choice to stay away and has nothing to do with him.
I am always worried about making my own friends because I pretty much have no family and also because hubby doesn’t ever want to do anything and he doesn’t want to have any friends. I get lonely and sometimes I get bored. Hubby is often in a bad mood and I think he’s depressed. We haven’t taken a vacation in 7 years and that was a disaster because he didn’t want to go. I gave up on vacations or socializing because he will be in such a bad mood that the whole ordeal is miserable. We argued about all this for years and I finally gave up.
He will tell me I am being negative and looking for problems where there aren’t problems. He has no idea how unhappy I am, even though I try to express it. And I think most of the time I am just in denial about it all until I get fed up... at which point we usually argue again.
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I have experienced many of these thoughts and symptoms. I am not saying you are exactly like me but I have come to realize that a lot of these thoughts are driven by anxiety. Occassionaly my husband has also told me I am being negative--and he is right. Though my negativity comes and goes.
It is a balancing act--on the one hand, when we are unhappy about something our husband does, we need to not be afraid to express it to them. When I hold things in, it just magnifies the feeling. However, we also have to accept that we can't change our husbands and that we also do things (like complaining about the same old things) that make them unhappy. I do think that finding things you enjoy by yourself is important but so is finding things you like doing together. Have you thought about taking a vacation on your own? I will be visiting my sister this summer and am going to take my daughter with me. We (my daughter and I) have talked about some road trips we want to take together out there.
In the past, I feel like I should only go for one week (because my husband said he didn't want me gone that long/missed me) but this year, I am going to go two weeks because I want to. Sometimes we hold ourselves back when we really don't have to.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sisabel
Yes hubby and I have gone to marriage counseling. We went for over a year early in our marriage and it did help a lot. We went again last year and I just gave up and didn’t want to schedule any more appointments. The counselor kept suggesting things for hubby and I to go do together and just wasn’t getting it that hubby wants to be at home, alone and doesn’t want to be around anybody. I didn’t see the point of trying to force him into doing anything he doesn’t want to do. I tried it for years. In all honesty, he doesn’t force me to do anything I don’t want to do so I have been trying to accept and make the best of things.
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My husband and I walk together everyday (4.5 miles). This has been really good for our marriage and health.
Perhaps I am being just like your counselor when I say this.
Sometimes I think PC is just as good as going to a counselor and it is free.
