I started to feel deeply depressed around the middle of december and spent almost all day in bed until the middle of january that I began to take my AD again. I remembered that somewhere I read that taking care of yourself while feeling depressed (showering, grooming, eating healthy, ....), even if it is really hard to do it and you don't feel like doing it, can make you feel better, so I did it...

I have a ton of things to do, I cannot stay all day in bed

Now I feel a little better, I spend a lot of time just lying in bed but not that much. I feel like a fraud.

As if I have lied or done something horrible and I was hiding it.

Maybe I wasn't that depressed and I wasted everybodies time. I have the ability to function as a normal human being, why cannot I do it?

Crazy, inside and aside

"Outwardly: dumbly, I shamble about, a thing that could never have been known as human, a
thing whose shape is so alien a travesty that humanity becomes more obscene for the vague resemblance."
I have no mouth and I must scream -Harlan Ellison-