It sounds as though the idea of buying a house is just extremely stressful for you. Is it possible it's simply too much for you to take on... especially if you're having to do it alone? My wife & I own a townhome in a small townhome complex. But if I were by myself I'm pretty sure I'd just rent.

I'm glad you'll be having the opportunity to see your T again tonight. (Perhaps you already have?) Hopefully you will have, or did have, an opportunity to talk about all of this. Sometimes what we want, & what we can realistically handle, can be two different things. I don't want to be throwing cold water on your dream of home ownership. But it just sounds as though the whole project is really getting to you.