Hi,
Yes, I think a lot of people can relate to you OliverB, and good on you for pushing yourself to do self care things as well, they're important.
To me, the struggle you're describing is the depression itself. And giving oneself a hard time, devaluing oneself, slandering oneself - and that's very common - again, is a symptom of depression as well OliverB.
Trust me, you're not a fraud because you say you have the ability right? But do you? If you did you could just go ahead and do whatever without too much fuss, BUT, something's blocking you...something's preventing you - and I say it's that counterproductive group of thoughts and feelings that has been given the name of depression.
You're not a fraud OliverB, you're just struggling like a lot of us but you can get through this. I say that having gotten through some very bleak episodes myself, friend.