I completely SPACED on telling you guys about my first session with the new Pdoc.

Well, I immediately felt a connection to her, because she presents as a little bit of a hippie, soft spoken, bookwork glasses.. all things I can relate to. We began talking about my history which I revealed some of to her.

I explained my symptoms, and then told her about MOST of my past diagnosis's. She had several things to say. I told her I had been diagnosed with PTSD, BPD, and Panic Disorder. The more I explained my BPD mood changes to her, she stated that it was even possible that I could be experiencing both BPD and something like Bipolar 2 at the same time. I imagine it will take some time to come to this conclusion.

She also said that sometimes BPD can be like a chronic form of PTSD! I have never heard it related to in this way.

I haven't told her about my diagnosis of DID. I haven't told her about my past drug and alchohol use. The reason for the first is a trust issue, and the reason for the second is I beileve it may taint her veiw of me, and what meds work best for me. Oddly, medication is the one thing I haven't abused in the past as I was too scared to screw it up and be left with no safety net. However, I have experienced doctors refusing me Clonazepam based on the fact that I had abused drugs and alchohol before, and this left me in quite a bad way and led to trips to the emergency room due to severe panic attacks with no recourse.

We decided that it would be best if i kept taking the effexor, start taking the Zyprexa again but at a reduced amount of 5 mg instead of ten, because I am nursing the baby..she said it isin't proven to have any negative effects for breastfeeding mothers or babies but it can make them a bit drowsy so hence the lowered amount. We decided to hold off on going back on the clonazepam until we see how the zyprexa does, and until nursing is well established and baby is a bit older because it will certainly slow him down if i take it. There are ways to get around this if need be but it would be difficult so trying to go without it if I can.

She reccomended the book " The Anxiety and Phobia Workbook" which I have not picked up as of yet but I plan to.

And, then we wrapped things up.

I see her again on friday, and will be taking the new baby with me - I hope she doesn't mind, but I am breastfeeding almost every hour in the day, and when LO has to eat, he has to eat, and that comes first for me.