|
hello warmup,
I've had a lingering cough for about two weeks. This signals me that my body needs to withdraw or I need to consciously be more of a guard for my self protection. During this am's meditation I 'voiced' how every context i'm in distorts my feltsense of my role.
Close to home i have a neighbor who unconsciously thinks he needs to be the alpha male. these primal primate challenges deep down might be "to the death" or one "flees" physically or by withdrawing. I call this he's trying to timidmakeme.
In another context, the client actions could confusemakeme.
In a third, the client's own confusion delaypayme.
So this throat thing is my body's ask for me to reassess my performances in these several spaces. I got it this morning. This led to a tumble through my living to a gelling of a belief I made as a child that no one would love me (allow me to join/belong) until after I contributed my best. I can untangle my character trait I formerly named "enthusiasm" as an improvised performance of "Let me show you" and "Please love me."
Like most hammers, sometimes I struck nails, and most times not.
This morning I committed to my throat to turn off the "automatic" aspect of this. I released all of the pent up confusion, anger, body aches, and exhaustion this old pattern has carried in my psyche and body. Patiently waiting for the other half of me to 'get it' and allow this to release. Today's the day.
It's my meditative practice that when I release patterns I welcome healing patterns to replace and refresh me. For today, this is permanent belonging to life, nothing else is required. It's "manners" in the sense of "after you." It's deeply knowing I'm a member of an immense "conviction community" that extends back and forward through time and across and among all places, peoples, and settings.
All for now,
Revu2
|