i can see why you'd be concerned shaggy... its real life you're talking about even tho the pain and misery of depression can feel unreal and out of this world.. i hear ya...

you have us as a community to share the burden.. will a therapist or meds help? at least til you can get some direction happening?

for me, the cycle continues but has changed shape and content.. always something it seems...

imo the pain and cycle has continued for you cause some serious issues in your life still have not been resolved.. they may be issues from childhood or days past when you were younger.. the thoughts and feelings appear to rest idle and not be present until some item or event gives the forgotten memory o good hard kick.. its letting you know its still there...

can you examine the feelings more closely? for now the issues might seem bunched together and senseless, but there is some sense to it....

it is very hard work.. i understand.... keep posting.. its a positive way to get it out... for sure it hurts.... for sure