My therapist said today that I socially isolate myself all the time and that my lack of social activity is indicative of depression. She then asked if I was depressed, and I said no. Then she gave me a look that suggested “I don’t believe you.”

To be honest, I don’t care for social stuff. I’m not depressed. I just don’t want to become vulnerable again and get taken advantage of like I have been many times in the past.

Everyone in grade school called me weird and I was a loner. I was a loner BY CHOICE though. Everyone told me I was ugly, stupid, and weird no matter how nice I was to them, so I decided I wanted no part of it and chose to be alone to avoid harassment. (People aren’t your friends anyway if they make fun of you like that.). But of course, people then made fun of me for being a loner anyway... Even worse though... In college, people still pulled the same sh_t, except they were even crueler. I was fortunate that I wasn’t stuck in all the same classes with all the same people in the same building like I was in high school, but that didn’t make my college classmates’ treatment toward me any less cruel.

My therapist can’t seem to get that through her head. One of my college “friends” decided it would be nice to tell everyone in our study group that I was too weird to be a part of their study group (basically, it was “unfair” that they had to “deal” with me) and to go find someone else to study with. No one ever told me what I did “wrong,” either. I hardly talked to anybody in the first place, so I don’t even know what I said or what I did. All I did was share notes and help people?

Maybe my social skills suck. Who knows. Probably. But I am NOT depressed simply because I don’t want to be social. /rant