Hey Steph,

another thought for you about your daughter being home from school. I think by continuing to keep her home, or even trying home-schooling, you could unwittingly send the message to her that anxiety is something we must submit to...i.e you're afraid to go to school so you need to stop going to school. This would likely extend to other aspects (anxiety just tends to grow and grow unless we manage it) such as "there is someone not very nice in my swimming group so I'm not going to go swimming anymore" etc etc

I think of school for a 9 year old as their occupation in a sense. Later this gets replaced with work and/or university. Children learn more from the school environment than just academic knowledge. They learn about socializing and managing conflict with peers. They learn how to be self-disciplined and respect authority from differing personas...every time there's a new teacher there's a new way to respond. Later, there's a new boss to work with and adapt to. These are all important skills to learn as a foundation for working as an adult. Adults can't stay home when work provokes anxiety...well maybe a few sick days if they need a break...but ultimately they need to learn how to manage work stress. So, even at age 9 your daughter needs to learn two important pieces:

1. anxiety is something that happens sometimes...it's like a message from body or mind that we need to make some changes in order to get back to peaceful balance. We don't need to panic about the anxiety itself. All feelings are temporary. The anxiety will pass with active support and time.

2. I need to go to school. That's where I belong with the other children my age. If something is wrong at school, we need to talk about it and find ways to make it better. Staying at home will not make it better.

I watched my parents' worlds get smaller and smaller over time because they dealt with their intense anxiety by submitting to it. So the anxiety continued to grow and extend to all areas of their lives.

That said, of course as Mama Bear you love her so much and it must be very painful for you to see her panic. I hope my thoughts are helpful. As i said before, she reminds me so much of myself when i was younger. If I knew her in the non-PC world I'd reassure her that these tough times can get better. I wish when I was a little girl, that someone had tried the strategies I sent to you in my first message. Though thankfully at age 15 I started having CBT with a very kind therapist. She was wonderful.

I have heard of yoga classes for little people....would your daughter enjoy that? Very soothing.

Sending a big safe to you and your little one. Take good care. As someone once told me: "Try not to freak out that you're freaking out!" Perhaps there's a way to say that in terms your daughter can relate to.