Aw, man! What about me, Mary Alice? I don't count as "in the family"?

KV - I have been thinking about this, trying to imagine being in your wife's shoes. Mind you, you have been keeping this information from her for a LOT longer than my ex-h did, so her reaction is going to be understandably different, more because you've been keeping it a secret than the information itself.

I think before you tell her, you should think about what you want her to do with the information, such as: do you want anything to change in your relationship, now that she knows this? Do you want to stay with her? You already said you're not interested in cross-dressing or gender transformation -- so I'm gathering you just don't want to hide your feelings from her anymore -- and maybe, you are hoping that your relationship with her will become even closer because she'll know something so personal about you. So, I'm guessing she'll want to know the following things:
- do you want to stay in the marriage
- do you still want to have sex with her and have you been enjoying it all these years (even though she farts - heh heh)
- are you telling her because you want her to understand you
- do you want your relationship to become closer, or are you asking for more space by sharing that information

I guess that's what I would want to know if my husband of 18-plus years confessed a personal secret about himself like that.

Also, if you really don't want anything to change between the two of you, I guess I would probably not make too big of a deal about it. The more casual you are, the less of a big BIG secret it will seem like. You might even say that you thought she already knew that (because face it, I'd think it's hard to live with and be intimate with someone for that much time without them realizing something that is so integral to your being).

What do you think? I obviously don't know a whole lot about your situation or your relationship, so this is just my 2 cents. Do you think any of it pertains to you?

LA