I definitely have the same problems. At work I can push it down enough to not let it affect my performance or the way I relate to people but in my personal life it means I don't try at all. Sometimes I think about trying but change my mind quickly.

It does hurt me that I don't have relationships but my fear of failure is bigger. I just feel that no one likes me beyond short encounters. I do get along well with everyone but i'm too afraid to try to go further.

This is my second post on this on here today and I have just thought of another part that may contribute to this. I know me not trying is a problem and I feel that it is others not liking me that is the reason I never get to friendship level but here is what I just realized.

My inconsistency may scare some people off, I mean lots of times im in bed 16hrs a day or at the opposite end staying up all night, getting drunk and being arrested under the mental health act day after day. But what if the main problem is actually the opposite, me not wanting friendship causing it to end so soon. A lot of the time I am just not into the friendship thing, I get depressed and isolate myself so often that I find myself not wanting to deal with anyone or try in any way. That ends things pretty fast, people probably assume I dont like them because sometimes I dont like anyone in reality.

Gonna dig a bit further into that thought. There is probably truth in both ideas.

I totally agree you seem like a very nice person who deserves friendship