Hello everyone; I am feeling a little better today. I still don't feel the best but at least I didn't lock myself in my office and refused to deal with patient complaints. I am trying to look on the bright side; can't really see that side right now but I know it has to be there. I also have a circle of people who would probably riot; not to mention I have a Psych who I trust completely which I did not have the last time my issues hit me like a train. I am older and wiser then when that happened. I have a more understanding boss and I am surrounded by various medical professionals day in and day out; so even if I don't catch it one of them will catch it.

I'm just annoyed because I was and have been stable and working since October and I've felt like my old self and happy since the beginning of this year and now my issues are popping up again even earlier than last year. I keep having nightmares of my current boss saying what my former boss said. Which my brain knows she would never say those kind of things and that she has done nothing but treat me with respect. It's just my brain and anxiety planning evil tricks on me.

I'm also not sleeping as good as I used to at night I would take a Seroquel, Buspar, and Melatonin and within fifteen minutes I was fast asleep. Last night I tossed and turned. I know it's probably my brain overreacting like usual and I know the little sleep I get is so very important to me being a functional person and I'm just feeling exhausted. I know Valentine's Day is tomorrow and I am so looking forward to it as is M. He also surprised me with news of a surprise trip. It's not like a New York vacation but it's really nice to be getting away for Valentine's Day and it being just the two of us. His dogs are going to his parents place and R knows how to feed my cat his Prozac; so right now I am trying to get all of my school work done so I can enjoy my time away.

I also saw my Psych today and my medications have all been changed. I decided maybe everyone is right and maybe it is depression and not Bipolar. He's the first person to actually sit down and really get to know me unlike the other two women who were in and out and threw medication at me. So I feel like he's willing to go the extra mile like my primary doc. I'm scared a little to start a new convo but the boss and I had a meaningful convo and I have a heard of medical staff who has my back. Not to mention I think I am better equipped this time and I know that stress causes adrenaline and I'm extra sensitive to it. I am on a taper of Seroquel and he told me to eat whatever Buspar I have which should get me through the vacation with M. So for now I'm going to enjoy my time and not let anything bother me.

Hugs to everyone