I'm so sorry you're going through all of this It may be both Bipolar and OCD. Sometimes MI can overlap. I agree with Under*Over. I'd suggest to talk to your Pdoc about this and see how it goes from there. Hopefully he/she will be able to help you. You need to get all the help and support that you need and deserve. Do you have a support system IRL? Any friends or family member? I'm so sorry you're going through all of this. Please don't give up. I hope you'll feel better soon. Is there anything we can do to help you? Please let us know. Remember that we're here for you if you need it. Feel free to PM me anytime. Let me know if I can do something to help you. Wish you good luck! Let us know how it goes. I'm so sorry you have to deal with this