Need to vent

Had ECT today and in the recovery room people kept chewing loudly with their mouths open. That sound drives me crazy to the point if I'm trapped in that I start freaking the **** out. I'm almost out of Zyprexa and called my doc the other day for a refill and went to the pharmacy to pick it up only to get home and find out it's Effexor which I haven't been on in months. I'm sick of everyone being an idiot and I'm sick of myself having to deal with it. I'm contemplating going to the ER. I would tell them I want to kill myself. I'm there and I'll be completely honest so I never get out. Or maybe I should just kill myself; I don't know. Other people love me, but I don't love them. I don't care about anything or anyone including myself.

Only 4pm but I'm going to take some remeron and hope some sleep calms me down, not like I haven't been sleeping 12 hours a day but I'll take what I can get.