I really need some practical advice, and I hope someone can give me some insight, because I'm fresh out of ideas and I feel like a worn-out, balding tire that's ready for a blowout. I cant continue like this. Here's what's going on:
<ul type="square">[*] My wife has been depressed for many years, and it’s been much worse since she had post-partum psychosis in 2001-2002 (hallucinations, delusions, self-harm, the works), which resulted in a one-month psychiatric hospitalization. The psychosis is gone, but her severe depression remains[*] Since November 2007 she’s almost completely cut herself off from our family, including our two kids. I do all the housework, cooking and parenting, plus I have a full time job. I have been as supportive as I can, trying not to pressure or push her, and trying to show her that I’m here for her and I'm always willing to help[*] She flatly refuses to talk to me about our situation. When I try, she gets furious with me and pulls further away[*] She told me she wanted a separation, and that she wanted to leave the kids and me and just be by herself. But I believe she doesn’t think she can make it on her own, so instead she wanders around the house like a ghost, avoiding the kids and me completely and hiding away in the computer room for nearly every waking hour[*] She’s chatting on the Internet 8-14 hours per day and sleeping the rest of the time. Online, she’s talking to people and telling half-truths about how I drove her into this situation. She’s having online affairs, declaring her love for her British Facebook-hookup guy and making plans to meet him. She goes to bed between 2 and 6 AM[*] She recently started seeing a therapist for the first time but she won’t take any antidepressant medication[*] Occasionally she’ll agree to do something with me like watch a rented movie, so I get my hopes up that we’ll actually spend some time together. But then she’ll delay and stall, and eventually decide to stay on the computer instead, and I feel like a sucker[*] On top of all of this, she’s not working and I don’t make enough to support all of us, so each month we slide further into debt.[*] I feel utterly used and alone, and I feel like a cuckold and a fool for allowing this to continue. Every day there's a lead weight in the pit of my stomach. This is killing me.[/list]I don’t really have anyone I can talk to about this - I don't want to involve my parents and I don't have any close friends anymore - and I don’t know how to proceed. I need to have some hope, and something concrete to do. Some books say that to encourage someone who's depressed to seek treatment, you should not shield them from the effects of their depression. Is that advisable? How do I do that?

It's a catch-22. She's cheating on me and has no interest in being with me. What I feel like doing is password-protecting our computer to shut off her internet access and tell her that a condition for her living at home is to keep taking her meds. But I know that if I try to force the issue or take some control I'm sure she'll just burrow further down into her isolation and depression.

But I feel like I have to do something.