I want to check in... then I ramble.

Hoping all are well, well enough, or moments pass by as gently as possible.

Idk if I am "managing " or getting by.

Anyways
Cig smoking- haven't started back up, ..yes Sunday took a few puffs and realize how disgusting and how unhelpful a cig was.
Have the vape but not a train.

Earlier I was trying to convince myself to get help now I am like, do I need it? Maybe I just need a vacation. .. idk why but the thought of accepting diagnosis for me is like-- accepting I have a problem *gulp* it's easy, whatever no duh dumb *** , right?.. I am fine, really.. just chaotic at times.
I am taking a four day weekend, where I work presents day isn't a holiday.
This evening
I have been obsessed with my personal laptop and why the windows security popup box wont accept my password where everywhere else it does work.. I am not understanding something obviously.

Work today, hours shut in my office working to just go. Motivation is mainly "I have to come back" even if I am dreading to be there. Didn't eat lunch.

I too am tired of humans, but *sigh* understanding and reminding myself that we all have struggles.
At times, I sometimes have these thoughts of "well if I have to play with these characters let's play" ... I've been trying best to just go with the flow.. other times I can nearly make Sense due to my fast talking, and topic switching. Anxiety
Hostility, snappy, bring it, and leave me alone, isolation.

If I don't work, what the hell am I going to do?
That's my motivation. I am so tired but wired.
I need to make a to do list for my days off...
Guess find a therapist after getting some delicious cherry pie ((which is a drive out
. I hope it doesn't snow))