We were childhood friends, and became friends since he died one week ago.
He was from abroad, we weren't as close as we were as kids, but I admired our friendship and since I became weird awkward quiet adult, he still accepted me as his friend.
A week has passed since he died at the age of 30 in a house fire and I still can't stop thinking about him.
I feel different reactions senses of calm followed by tears anger at those responsible for the fire and their carelessness.
I have thoughts of the fire even though I wasn't there, how he could be saved or was saved.
I imagine the things I wish to tell him. I imagine him still being alive.
Letting go gives me the same crippling feeling when I first found out he died.
Sadness, depression and wishing he could come back.
I find it unfair for him, he had his life ahead of him, wished we had more time...
I feel regret!
I regret I became shy and awkward through the years. I really hate myself for it, the missed opportunities.
I regret not communicating with him these past 2 years because I was stuck in my own little life crisis.
I regret I spent most of our adult friendship chatting rather than making real memories.
I regret I didn't go last year over there, see him one more time.
I don't know if he'd feel the same as me, but I feel like this about him. And often want to cry. Missing him.... the thought I will never see him again hurts so much.
I know, I am meant to man up or grow up and let go by now.....but it's so hard....
I feel sad, I feel butterflies in my chest since then, shocked, I can't stop thinking about him, his name and his face is always on my mind. And I play storylines in my brain.
I do try and get on with my life, but my mind does sometimes drift off to him.