I think I’m making my life at work much harder than it needs to be. I am CERTAIN my coworkers are talking bad about me behind my back, and moreover I am CERTAIN one particular coworker thinks I’m completely incompetent. This could all be completely untrue. I cannot tell. But I’m trying to think, why does it even matter if she does and they are? Because I’m not incompetent, I don’t think. My girl is taken care of. She gets changed, I take her to get her feeding, I put her braces on and take them off, I put her body jacket on (at least I will on Tuesday). So maybe I’m not detail oriented and I’m forgetful. So like today I completely forgot to get gloves for the bathroom. Then my other coworker got them and I was sure my one coworker was talking bad about me, saying something like “I told wfc to get them and she didn’t, I can’t believe it” or some ****. I don’t know. But even if that’s true what does it matter? I don’t know. I’m having a hard time.

I’m also really struggling with falling asleep at work which is a really bad thing and I Know My coworker notices and that’s another reason for her to talk bad about me. I don’t know what to do. I’m good if I’m active but my job is a lot of sitting around. Caffeine doesn’t seem to help. I guess I just have to find a way to stay active. Wash dishes or walk around or something. I get enough sleep at night but I have to take melatonin and valerian. I’m not hungover in the morning but maybe that contributes to my sleepiness? But without it I don’t sleep which would definitely contribute to sleepiness.

I just hate the feeling of being judged but I’m starting to think I’m judging myself more harshly than anyone else could judge me.