I had 2 sessions. One today and one yesterday. I have never gone twice in one week let alone back to back. T said she thought I was trying to fast forward through my feelings of grief and get right to the bit where I am ok, but that its perfectly fine to need time to adjust and to feel what I feel. They were both intense sessions and both times I had a teary moment but no crying.

We talked about food issues and about my hand washing. It seems to be out of control since my recent bout with a stomach virus. Yuck. She is glad my other half is there to help out but I'm not. I wish she would just let me self destruct.

T is very calming and I worry with letting myself feel safe because I know it is a fake environment and all the logic I have tells me to be smarter but GD she is just so peaceful to my brain.