Only slept 3hrs last night. I am so confused but my house smells and looks nice finally. It is almost never that way. Seem to be up and down with the mood quite a lot.

I made it past the liquor store when i was out for a walk today, im definitely on the higher side of things and really really want to drink.

But I blasted my music in my headphones and let myself deal with that intense urge by singing and walking with tears in my eyes and shaking the anger through my arms. Maybe I looked silly but I didnt stop and I really wanted to.

"Gonna shake throw it away in the dirt, under me yeah. I am, I am, I am, I am, I am a giant"

Hopefully I can keep away from it, a big part of not buying any today was also that H is working tonight and I cant drink when im alone with the kids. As of tomorrow that wont be a reason because he will be home again