I honestly have no idea why I get spontaneous intense emotions around the email responses. Like I’ve said repeatedly in many of my posts, I have managed to be very independent in my real life so it sort of freaks me out that it keeps coming back to this. I can actually go for long periods of time not caring about it and then, BAM, I terminate with him and use that as the excuse. Obviously it’s not completely just about the emails. Maybe it’s more about the unilateral decision by my T to retract email responses without even a discussion with me. I felt like I was treated like a misbehaving kid (I never misbehaved as a kid, btw). I feel like he encouraged me to be vulnerable, which I did via email. I know it was probably awkward and not very graceful, but I tried even though it was hard and new and unnatural and completely weird for me, and then when I did, he took email replies away. I guess that felt shameful. It was like he was telling me to be vulnerable, but then when I did, he was thinking, “not like that!” Now, I just feel like he thinks he has me pegged as being undeserving of email responses and there’s nothing I can do to change his mind. I will be the “misbehaving kid” in his mind forever, and I wasn’t trying to do that.

Ok well, thanks for asking the question, I guess. Maybe by replying to your question I might have a little better understanding. I’m open to anyone else’s interpretations because apparently I’m pretty slow at figuring these things out.