I don't know if I want to see another psychiatrist. I have had bad experiences with most of them.

My psychiatrist seemed angry, annoyed, frustrated with me (and even sad).

He was rude, but seemed worried at the same time.

He doesn't want to see me again. Initially he said something about waiting until I feel better, take a break, and start again fixing the mistakes that were made (he said he made a lot of mistakes). But then, I don't know why, he gave up with me, told me we have been talking for too much time (in a rude way, more like wasting time). I told him I was sorry, I got up and leaft saying "bye", and he said "See you never".

He did weird things, like insisting on that if I directly said I would kill myself, He would have to IP me, he said it like 3-4 times (I didn't talk about suicidal ideation or anything like that). He asked me what I usually thought when I was in bed for hours, I said it makes me sad the fact that I have nowehere to go when I need help (being IP never helped me, just traumatized me). Maybe was it what annoyed him? That I waited until being really ill to tell him somthing because I don't feel comfortable with him? (I have always felt forced to pretend I was OK, he is usually nice but doesn't understand many things. I miss my former psychiatrist, I told him many times.). He has a pokemon card I have him on his desk (he is around 60 years old), he seems to like me, but this last time was I think he got tired of me.

I feel like a burden.

Maybe noone can help

Crazy, inside and aside

"Outwardly: dumbly, I shamble about, a thing that could never have been known as human, a
thing whose shape is so alien a travesty that humanity becomes more obscene for the vague resemblance."
I have no mouth and I must scream -Harlan Ellison-