I really think I understand where you are coming from. It must be terrifying not knowing how long, and how bad, this episode will be. Simply, you cannot know. Past experience is a definite marker that can be used, but you have grown, as has your treatment. This leaves the future uncertain again. I would love to say ‘don’t worry. You got this. It will all be back to stable real soon’, but I will not lie. You are a strong woman and you will get through this, whatever form it takes. As others have suggested, take this day by day. Have hope. Keep fighting, and whatever happens you may be amazed where life takes you.