I am terrible at mitivating myself to do.....really anyhing. Spite drives me a lot but spite for the sake of it can only get you so far. So life right niw is a whole lot of waking up turning iff the alarm and amking some excuse to stay in bed. Because why bother? Im stucking in a really deep muddy pit that only makes trying to get leave you dirty. I get the feeling that i want or need to et atalk to someone about...something, i dont u can forcedully feel what the problem is. But anyway its as if everyone disappaears off the face of the earth. I guess it wouldnt matter eitherway i wouldnt say anything, no one however nice wants to hear it, the whole Im hear for you only applies when youre at a funeral. People are only there as background noise but arent actually there at all. After all gotta keep a stiff upper lip, gotta shove emtiins down so you can forcefully feel what everyon wants you to.