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He asked me if he was even helping me which set off abandonment feelings because my thoughts went to him wanting to terminate me because he does not think he can help me anymore. I felt that question was also for his feelings of inadequacy and wanted reassurance so I reassured him. Just being there, someone bearing witness to my pain is like a pressure release valve and helps me get through my life so yes I said you are helping me.
He apologized and said he should have worded it meaning was his technique today helping me in the moment and he wanted to make sure there was no ill will between us.
What was I to say? So I told him no their was no ill will and I left there feeling worse then when I went in. I do not see him again for a week and I have so much crap going on.
Life goes on right? So I plod through each day feeling no joy and just full of worry.
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When a child’s emotional needs are not met and a child is repeatedly hurt and abused, this deeply and profoundly affects the child’s development. Wanting those unmet childhood needs in adulthood. Looking for safety, protection, being cherished and loved can often be normal unmet needs in childhood, and the survivor searches for these in other adults. This can be where survivors search for mother and father figures. Transference issues in counseling can occur and this is normal for childhood abuse survivors.
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