Hi guys,

I've dealt with depression multiple times in my life. However it always had a direct and pretty clear cause, and it would make me cry a lot, feel desperate and hopeless all the time, hate my life, etc.

I had a few really happy years in my first job. Then I lost it and instantly crashed into depression. Again, crying, desperation, etc. I had a new job that I hated and also had to move into another flat that I also hated. I just hated everything about my day. I got into therapy, which helped, and eventually managed to improve my job situation and moved back into another area. Now that my life doesn't suck anymore, I don't feel super depressed all the time...

but I now feel almost complete apathy. My feelings are all dulled and reach neither hights nor lows. I feel somewhat neutral most of the time. From my good times in life I remember being happy about even small things, that now just do not cause an emotional response anymore. I have very little interest in my life or future. I just go through my day - which I can still manage normally, physically I have normal energy - and feel nothing about most things. I am somewhat irritable though and get annoyed faster than normally.

It is not horrible - I don't cry, or hate my life, or feel hopeless. It's more of just a big nothing. Is this still depression? I honestly do not know what I have to do to care about my life again. For a long time I was hoping and trying to get back into a job that I might enjoy more again, but although I still send out applications I don't really care about that anymore either and I feel like even if I did manage to find one, I would not enjoy it as much as I used to as all my perception and emotions just feel so dulled and flat.