Personally, sometimes I think there is a hidden trap door in my brain which has the answer - only I'm too frazzled to remember where I left the key.

but as you say, "not in all cases of course"!

Actually there is something odd happening to my brain recently. I've had to tolerate a lot of extreme emotional stress and sleepless nights. Sleeping medication only helps so far and then it's up to me to create a calm place for my emotions. I notice that I'm becoming more accepting, as if my constant avoidance of trauma itself created relationship problems -with myself and with other people!! I like my body. I am more relaxed with other people.

I'm not always sure what is my duty as a friend. Today I had a cultural problem knowing what was right to do, so being a friend involved reaching out authentically from guesswork. Friends make mistakes.