Wow, wow, wow Eve, thanks so much for posting this. I recently cut off a friendship because she texted really nasty things about my problems not being as important as hers, and that I didn’t understand what it was like to be stuck in a difficult living situation, just because I am moving soon. I have been stuck in an awful living situation for years and she knows that. This is someone who would call me and want me to listen to her (often petty) problems for an hour or more.

I was starting to feel just a bit badly, like maybe I had gone too far, but this article really hit home with me. Let’s see:
Her comments clearly showed 2 points right away:
- They are not caring, supportive, or interested in what’s important to you
- They are judgmental

Then, when I told her I couldn’t deal with her, she went on to:
- They don't apologize – First she doubled down and said she stood by what she wrote, only admitting she may have not said it in the best way. Then she tried to blame a fever. Then, she gave a few non-apologies apologizing for the timing and the wording, but not for the message itself.

After that, she went on to:
- They take no responsibility for their own feelings – she texted that me not responding to her calls/texts/emails was making HER feel badly, when she didn’t seem to care that she had hurt my feelings.

This is also so true with her:
- They try to gain sympathy and attention by claiming “victim” status - She always portrays herself as a victim, of her family, of her ex. I realize this now. I am now kind of wondering what the other side of those stories is. She always seems to be on the outs with someone to be honest, which relates to:they are inconsistent (for her, especially in her opinions of people). Someone is great, then she hates them. I realized that a lot of her problems, her supposed victimhood, seems like it is self-inflicted, poor decisions on her part and no backbone to set boundaries with her family.

All of this brings me to the last point:
- Toxic people are draining – Not having to deal with her hour long phone calls with her litany of problems is freeing. I didn’t realize how much she was draining me until I didn’t have to deal with her for the past month.