I saw my psychiatrist earlier. He filled out a form I needed him to complete. Then when I got home, I photocopied them and just glanced at the cover letter, which has been the same for years, and saw they now require a copy of the most recent appointment's notes. Dang! I had to call and leave a message asking for them. I got worked up and also wrote a note and delivered it back to his office in an envelope (he's only 5 mins away by car). The secretary was gone, so I slipped the thing under the hallway door. He must have still been there (or the other doctor) because the door to the waiting room was open.

He often acts so stiff, despite knowing me for 13 years. I think he thought my mood was a little elevated. Was/is it? I don't know! I did sort of tease/flirt with him mildly, but I do that a lot with many men, plus he knows I absolutely adore him. Whatever! I guess I have to act like some kind of stiff person from now on. But then he'd think I was depressed, and/or I probably wouldn't be successful at that because I suck as an actress! I'd probably start laughing towards the end.

Before I went to the appointment, I had in my mind to ask if I could finally stop the Ativan weaning off (go to 0 mg) or lower my Seroquel XR to 500 mg. But then towards the end of the session he said "I think you should just stay where you are with your medication." [Meaning 550mg Seroquel XR - all the rest always stays the same.] And instead of me saying I'd like it lowered, I said "I know the word 'patience' very well! I'm going to just keep being patient. My mom would be proud that I've finally learned it very well, but it's still like a thumb in my side!"

I'll be curious to see what in the heck my last visit's notes say. I've never even seen his notes. I'd be curious to really know what in the heck he writes. Or will he make some kind of crazy thing up?

I told him about that psychologist that rejected me because she thought I need "a team". He didn't comment on that either way. I was sort of hoping he'd say something, but the problem is that sometimes I say a lot of things and he doesn't comment. I just keep talking and he either stares or nods and I'm so wrapped up in what I'll say next that I don't think about forcing a response. I only wonder what he was thinking well after the fact. And I never remember to ask him next time, because there's a whole new set of things to talk about. It's often similar with my therapist.